It is also key to building positive karma for the deceased. It is also appropriate to visit the home of the family to offer comfort and support. The family would have got over the immediate grief and anger by then, and will be receptive to conversation. A common blunder by well-meaning visitors is to try and compare with their own limited experiences. Financial and logistics assistancewhere acceptable and appropriatecan be a big relief. To upgrade your account, please visit the account upgrades page. Your sister was a beautiful person. 6. The grieving family may be visited by many wishing to express their sympathies and the time any individual can spend with them may be quite limited. Upon learning of the death of a family member, friend or colleague, it is common to contact a member of the family to express condolences and offer help and assistance. Other mourners are expected to stand. Available to ship anywhere in the U.S. After the cremation service, the family will return home and perform Hindu death rituals such as ceremonial bathing. It is not slain when the body is slain. Bhagavad Gita 2.20. Just as It is all part of Gods plan might not go down well with an atheist, He will soon be reborn into a more beautiful life can be hugely offending to someone who doesnt believe in rebirth. Everplans is not a licensed healthcare provider, medical professional, law firm, or financial advisory firm, and the employees of Everplans are not acting as your healthcare providers, medical professionals, attorneys, or financial advisors. Shinto - The tradition is to give used money to the family in an envelope decorated in black and silver. Find the right Emily Post book or greeting card for you. The funeral ceremony is conducted at the place of the cremation. Check out some ways to incorporate this idea when offering condolences for a partner or spouse. If you knew him, some kind words about himperhaps an anecdotewould mean a lot. The important thing is that you have received comfort from the many who have helped you. Talk to your friend's family. He leads the family and mourners in various Hindu funeral rituals. Sacrifice is not uncommon for Hindus, even if internalized. In this sect of Hinduism, theres no food or drink offered to the family for up to 10 days. Hindu Death Rituals Everything You Need To Know - Medium It is a common slip-up for people to assume that sharing their own religious beliefs would bring solace to the bereaved family. then, practice it out loud, preferably in front of another person or a mirror. Here's a list of simple and concise condolence messages that can be sent to a person in grief. Close friends who are invited to attend will receive a personal invitation to the event. Although some people may attend the cremation ceremony, non-Hindus are not allowed to participate in the mukhagni ceremony. They also believe that the souls next incarnation depends on the personskarma (actions during their previous life). It is appropriate to visit the bereaved before the shraddha ceremony and attend the service. Though a useful principle to follow universally, it is most handy while visiting the bereaved. Suit and ties for men and dresses for women, usually in greys or dark colors, are common clothing choices. Plan a remembering celebration with family or friends. You could offer to be helpful to her, perhaps by helping her with her workload the day of the funeral or memorial service. Your clear expression of sympathy and caring for your coworker is what matters the most. Family is very important in Hinduism and healthcare decisions should be made together (normally with the most senior family member or eldest child). Unlike some religions, youll also find that Hindus mourn for 13 days, which can also determine what you should and should not write. Traditional stereotypes have shifted in other, more suburban areas of India. We loved her as our class teacher, she meant so much for all of us.. So, they can view the body when they enter the house and offers some brief words of condolence to the bereaved family. There is a process of letting the deceased go and telling them goodbye with prayers and songs. Funeral Mass (Requiem) is performed in a Catholic church by a priest. It is specifically meant for those who are contemplating visiting a recently bereaved family. A thoughtful gift which allows the name of the deceased to be mentioned will provide long-lasting comfort to the family. If a family member has persistent trouble sleeping, help must be summoned. In this sect of Hinduism, theres no food or drink offered to the family for up to 10 days. This article is written to highlight the dos and the dont-s in most situations. By clicking "Accept", you agree to our website's cookie use as described in our Cookie Policy. Hare Krishna. Keep your pet leashed, and clean up after it. Some people are able to manage the delivery of a eulogy with aplomb; others can't even bear to think about doing so. For some cultures, a soft hug is appropriate, while for others a gentle squeeze of the hand will do. Are you sure he is dead?, You are lucky you have one other child who is alive!, I used to tell her to eat less and exercise more often. Most of the Hindu mourning rituals performed are designed to promote the free expression of emotions. Adherence to a strict mourning period is less common today. This period of time is rooted in traditional beliefs, with each of the day being divided into "minor days" (4 days for each week). what to say to someone who has experienced a death, How to Express Sympathy: What to Say and What Not to Say. Whether you are going to a Hindu funeral or just want to send condolences to an acquaintance, we've provided 15 thoughtful examples as a place to start. generalized educational content about wills. While there's no rule book, the visitation, whether held at a funeral home or the family's home, is a good opportunity to express your condolences. Silence is a good option; a kind gesture can speak better than words. And if you plan on visiting themyou'll spend more time in silence rather than offering condolences. Likewise, the person who passes an ugly remark at a solemn family function might not even realise what he said or did was hurtful. This link will open in a new window. If not familiar with the situation, it is helpful to call a friend who knows the family, to find out beforehand when and where to visit, and what the right thing to do is while visiting. Visitations are usually held one or two days prior to the funeral service during a fixed set of hours. All Rights Reserved. Bereavement support organisations for all faiths, Useful bereavement resources for health and care professionals, Useful Good Thinking bereavement resources for all faiths. Some traditions will not allow for a wedding to take place during the year. Thats because they are considered to be impure spiritually during the mourning period. Rather than quoting the Bhagavad Gita directly, you can also take its essence and interpret that into something meaningful. We pray that Lord Krishna gives you great strength to travel through all of this suffering. Once Nirvana is attained, the reincarnation cycle ends. Do not grieve for his body, for his soul is eternal. Ask for his/her input and a checklist of what needs to be decided and completed. Thank the family for offering the honor to you. You could certainly send her a personal note expressing your condolences. Though etiquette is slowly changing, custom has usually dictated that those attending a visitation or funeral should wear semi-formal clothing. In order to settle the estate, all outstanding bills and dues that the How To Express Sympathy: What To Say And What Weve compiled a list of things to sayand things to avoid sayingwhen A Quick Overview Of Proper Funeral Etiquette. Various worldwide locations connote different customs and norms. Unless we actively keep our phones in silent mode, a loud and abrupt musical ringtone tearing through the silence can be quite unsettling during the visit. (2.20) acche'dyo' yam adhaahyo' yam akle'dhyo' sya eva cha / nithyah sarva-gathah sthaanoor achalo' yam sanaathanah. When someone experiences the loss of a loved one, visiting the bereaved in person is a thoughtful way to convey the deepest sympathy and offer support. If you wonder what Hindu funeral traditions are like, they can be different from traditional American funerals, but the core fundamentals remain the same. Others go the extra mile and debate whether the person might actually make it to heaven or settle for hell. When it comes to jewelry, they should not wear anything flashy and keep it light. While silence is perfectly acceptable, a few well-chosen, soft words of comfort can help ease the pain. Members of the immediate family aren't chosen, as their place is with the family. Women need to dress conservatively with knees and arms covered. Some Indian-Americans journey all the way back to India to immerse the ashes in the Ganges or visit many pilgrimage sites to seek blessings for the departed soul and solace for their own pain. Every live session is customized for the client and built from our extensive menu of training topics. Bereavement Questions and Answers Emily Post On behalf of my family, I want to say how sorry we are for your loss. Often, the best thing one can do is to listen patiently without interrupting. Memorial Day, considered the unofficial start of summer, is the last Monday in May. Friends may call or visit family members of the deceased to offer their condolences upon hearing of the death and may bring flowers to them at that time. It is appropriate to visit the home of the family as anexpression of comfort and support. Unfortunately, while social topics like table manners get discussed at home or at school, most of us have not received any formal training on this sombre topic. Amen. The funeral directors will take the body for bathing, dressing and anointing with the permission and in the presence of chosen friends and relatives before the funeral rites take place. Please, search or browse our comprehensive online etiquette articles. The Good Thinking team has produced this short guide to help anyone in the Hindu community across London who has lost a loved one, and to help health and care professionals who are supporting terminally ill patients of the Hindu faith. When Is The Right Time To Offer Condolences? | Everplans Many users would be better served consulting an attorney than using a do-it-yourself online If there is a line waiting to see the family, keep your thoughts and comments brief. For many people who have experienced a death, it can be helpful to know that their closest friends and family are thinking of them and are available to help. Today, many take their ashes to a nearby place to their home. It may not display this or other websites correctly. There are no set customs prohibiting working during the period of mourning, so returning to work is often an individual decision. In our cosmopolitan society, its not uncommon to know or work with people from all over the world. Since you know that his mother likes lilies, you might want to wait a bituntil the activity immediately following your co-worker's death settles downand then send her the lilies. Candles and flowers decorate the wake , as well as the funeral service and the burial ground. She'll let you know, when you ask, whether or not she wants to see you and or needs anything. How can people of the Hindu faith be supported when grieving? people will avoid going to the deceased house. Bhagavad Gita Quotes for Condolence and Healing - Learn Religions This period usually lasts for 10 days. Serve his or her favorite foods. One should not send flowers or gifts to the Hindu funeral. While visiting, people tend to get drawn into conversations unrelated to the bereavement, at times even catching up on gossip. The bereaved person could be venting out emotions and if we simply give them our ears, it will be comforting. Is there a member of the clergy or other person she has in mind for performing the service? This link will open in a new window. 9. Explain that you don't feel you can do it, and be honest as to why. The Awesome Etiquette podcast is a weekly Q&A show where hosts, (cousins, and co-presidents of the Emily Post Institute,) Lizzie Post and Dan Post Senning answer audience questions, tackle etiquette topics in detail and salute good etiquette witnessed by the Awesome Etiquette audience. I remember how she encouraged me to get good grades and once even offered me a ride home after school. A photograph of the. It is customary to visit within 10 days the family of the person who passed away. Hindu death rituals involve chanting of certain mantras, which are written especially to be chanted at funerals. 8. It is unborn, eternal, permanent, and primeval. This link will open in a new window. At a Hindu funeral, the deceased body is kept in an open casket. 1. As author Arvind Sharma would say, there are as many Hinduisms as there are Hindus. Just the same, this leniency does not give people a wash from tradition. Most 10-year-olds are ready for this type of experience, as long as they are accompanied by a parent or someone else close to them. Just letting her know that you are thinking about her can be helpful. Here, the priest oversees every activity. If you don't feel comfortable having your daughter view an open casket, skip the visiting hours and simply attend the service. The coffin is generally open, and guests are expected to look upon the body and be seated in the room for the service, which is conducted by a priest or a senior member of the family. Give items to use or display in the home in remembrance of the loved one. Thats why cremation is preferred. We are very sorry for your loss. Though the above list is handy, we need to be extraordinarily perceptive and must have the ability to adapt according to the mood and vibe prevailing in each instance. Find Appropriate Sympathy & Condolence Baskets. Funeralflowerssingapore.com always satisfies increasing requirements of customers. I'm here for you." Everything will be fine is another pass phrase where both the speaker and listener know its a lie. Hindus generally prefer cremation over burial and the funeral usually takes place as soon as possible after death. I understand that not only did your friend mean a great deal to you, but also that Keyur was well-loved by his family and community. Customs vary by tradition, but are conducted by a local priest and involve prayers, scripture readings and chanting. The choice of clothing should be made to show respect for the deceased and those grieving. Good Thinking provides a range of resources to help Londoners improve their mental wellbeing. However, often, a Hindu priest is asked to perform theantyeshti(funeral rites). Sleep is a basic bodily need, and lack of it can take a person down in no time. Some people have the knack for amplifying or worsening the existing sorrow by dropping pessimistic remarks such as Ohshe was so young, she had her whole life ahead of her!, How sad it is for her children! When in doubt, silence is the best option. Hare Krishna. It is appropriate to visit the home of the family as an expression of comfort and support. Sometimes, it is just for the family. How long is mourning in Korea? - coalitionbrewing.com Deciding to stop by at a funeral on the way to a wedding, therefore, can be suicidal. Good and bad manners do exist about visiting the bereaved, albeit with some variation between cultures. 5. Additionally, they are not to touch or go near the family shrine. Blaming the family for not doing enough. Our Religions: The Seven World Religions Introduced by Preeminent Scholars From Each Tradition. Traditional Hindu funeral rituals dictate that the mukhagni is only attended by men. By merely being there, listening and taking care of the details, you'll undoubtedly be a great help to her during this sad time. It's best to stick with their request at such a sensitive time. However, they can participate in the chanting of mantras taking place thereafter. Viewing the body is not mandatory, but is usually considered respectful if the casket is open and displayed near the family. Guests may attend the cremation, but if they do not want to, they may depart after the service. E-mail is a immediate way to reach out and say, "I'm sorry. On the first anniversary of the death, a memorial event (shraaddha) is held to pay homage to the deceased. Close with warm words, such as "With deepest sympathy." They sit in the first two rows on the left, and after the service they leave, two by two, preceding the casket. If you didn't know him, you could mention something special you've heard about him. Check with another neighbor or look in your local newspaper for an obituary or death notice. During this time, some of the traditions will limit or restrict participation in festivals and events, as well as discourage making life-altering decisions like changing jobs or moving. Hindu Quotes of Condolence and Healing. On the one-year anniversary of the death of the loved one, a memorial service is held in the family home. Not attending religious functions or celebrations. Sadly, politics trumps principles in Kerala! Families differ in their religious beliefs, social preferences and cultural outlook. While visiting, people tend to get drawn into conversations unrelated to the bereavement, at times even catching up on gossip. The gesture must be in line with the persons proximity to the family, and the familys own cultural preferences. Sri kamakshi Lunch box Brahmin Home made cooking service - around madipakkam, velacherry. Weather conditions, circumstances and setting of the funeral, and religious and cultural traditions may affect the choices for clothing made. Offer your help in other ways, such as ushering, delivering a reading, preparing the program for the service, or assisting the family with plans for the service or for any reception afterwards (if there is one). Responding to a Clients Note of Appreciation, Addressing a Former President of the United States, Complete Guide to Writing Thank You Notes, Attire Guide: Dress Codes from Casual to White Tie, Five Tips for Looking Crisp and Keeping Cool in the Workplace, How to Help When Someone is in the Hospital, Definition of Etiquette - Consideration, Respect and Honesty, Wedding Etiquette 101: Everything You Need to Know. Are you afraid of Sivasankar, court asks Customs; allows five-day custody, Chennai roads inundated as cyclone Nivar triggers intermittent rain, These Kashmiri families are eager to vote in Kerala local body polls, Wanted! LinkedIn. Another common mistake is to pass remarks on how the family could have taken better care of the person who passed. It is important to identify a persons religious inclinations at the start of their care and to find out what they need when approaching the end of life. Caring for someone who is dying involves looking after their physical, emotional and spiritual needs. If you want to do something now, send a donation as suggested by the family. Following are a collection of questions and answers about bereavement to help guide you during difficult times. Service animals are allowed. subject to our Terms of Use. And if you plan on visiting themyoull spend more time in silence rather than offering condolences. Following their bathing, they will clean the house, as it is a Hindu belief that when someone dies, their home and its inhabitants are left unclean and impure. At the point of acute loss, the person will be numb and will not be able to listen to long lectures and suggestions by visitors. As absurd as it might seem, in todays fast-paced world, there are instances of people placing wreaths on the wrong coffin, and even consoling strangers after mistaking them for immediate family. Since this is such a personal request it should be made, if at all possible, either in person or with a phone call. However, mourners can check with the funeral director or family for finding out whats appropriate for that particular funeral. Consider it an honor to help your friend during this painful time. The bereaved family usually stays home from work for one week following a death. Making a phone call or a visit can mean a lot during such times. The body of the deceased should be released as quickly as possible to enable the family to prepare for the funeral. Light a memorial candle at the table or for several hours on a special day. Wearing black or pale shades are just fine unless there are specific protocols in place. Rather than ask Do you need anything it is better to be specific about what we can do for them. 2. Common blunders while visiting the bereaved: 1. The Hindu religion believes that when a person dies, his soul goes into another body. The ashes are usually scattered in a local river or the sea or maybe taken to India to be scattered in any one of the holy rivers, such as the Ganga. Traditionally, the Hindu funeral ceremony involves a ritual burning of the deceased body. Remember, the subject of your eulogy is the person's best qualities, not your feelings. Through cremation, the five basic elements, known as thepanchbhut, are returned to the universe, signifying the maintenance of cosmic equilibrium. (1995). In some cases, it would then be appropriate to recognize this care and give it the honor it deserves. (2008). Dress appropriately, lose the perfume (and sunglasses). While it can be difficult to know just what to say to someone who has experienced a death, many people who have experienced a death appreciate being contacted. The last thing the family wants at such a difficult time is advice. This short message gets to the essence of the Hindu faith in just a few short words. Not reading or reciting anything from the holy scriptures. The traditions and rites of Hindu funerals may vary. If thats the case, then you would express hope for the path after death to be more apparent than the one during life. There will be things to be done at the home, such as taking care of guests or handling phone calls. Today is a sad day for us. In Hinduism, it is not uncommon for someone to formulate their unique way of practicing their faith. Kalyana saavu is roughly translated as happy death, and you would use this phrasing to honor someones life and legacy. Atma is beyond space and time. . This is an important death ritual, which usually takes place throughout the mourning period. May Lord Krishna grant everlasting peace to her soul. Funeral Customs around the World - Eastern Europe This link will open in a new window. If youre not familiar with these Hindu funeral customs, you may also see a lot of food and drink. Visiting in Person | Condolences | eCondolence.com Hindu funeral rituals decree that cremation is the custom, but the deceased body remains in the home of the family until you move it to the cremation place. 24 hours after the death, the body is taken to the cremation site. Medicine is not an exact science, and the human body is not a machine that has replaceable parts or even an instruction manual. Don't forget that you can also e-mail your coworker to express your thoughts before you write your condolence note. Hindu Funeral Traditions - Renaissance Funeral Home During this period, the close relatives of the deceased person abstain from celebrations and . One must specifically avoid words that trivialise the event, some hilarious examples being: I cant believe he is deadhe looks like he might just get up any minute! It could even work over various social media platforms or a sympathy card. Mourners dress, eat, and behave austerely during the ten to thirty days after the death and before the shraddha ceremony. In Hinduism, theres samsarathe continuous cycle of reincarnation. Your mother had a happy death. This setting gives the family a larger space to accept visitors and allows easier interaction with others. A kind friend never leaves our hearts; they will remain with us always. He would tell you that mourning only keeps you from fulfilling your role as head of this family. People should wear white and not black. Some people in India may denounce being Hindu, but their lifestyle may suggest that they still live like a traditional Hindu. Her startling determination to do exactly the opposite, was amazing.". Usually, Hindu funerals take place within a single day and sometimes, two days after the deaths time. Usually, Hindu families arrange the funeral ceremony within 24 hours after death. In summary, visiting a grieving family requires good knowledge of etiquette as outlined above. It is proper to visit and be with the family during this time. As an elder or wise member of the community, it would still be common to invoke Lord Krishnas name even if this is the parents chosen lifestyle. Doing away with anything that suggests we are arriving at a party is sensible. May he rest in peace. Do You Take Flowers to a Hindu Funeral? - Synonym Such words are of little use to someone who has just lost a loved one. Relate stories that show your friend in a positive light, and handle any humor with care. To this end, even a simple note will suffice. Your personal condolence note would be especially kind, too. Only one rule should guide you in writing sympathy messages: say what you truly feel. He seemed fine when I saw him last week! Did you check her cholesterol? What did the first ECG show? Was he wearing a helmet? When was her last chemo? are but a few examples of such unwarranted questions. We depend on advertising to keep our content free for you. "Mukhagni" or a cremation ceremony. A notice would either state the hour and location of the service, which would mean that it would be appropriate for you to attend if you wished, or it would indicate if the service is private. Das, S. (n.d.). This is made worse when people pick the phone up and start talking at the top of their voice as though they were at a party. Asking the person not to cry is like choking a person who is already gasping for air. After all, some of the wisest people can almost convey a book in a matter of a sentence. You are using an out of date browser. https://www.learnreligions.com/healing-words-for-tragic-times-1770148. Those who are close to the family may volunteer to do such tasks. Hare Krishna. Such decisions are often based upon the circumstances of the family and the level of their commitment to the traditions of Hinduism. Not visiting other family or friends, though the relatives may visit the bereaved. There, husbands and wives increasingly share household roles as dual-earners. When offering sympathy messages to an Orthodox Hindu for their sibling, youll find that the atmosphere of condolences is much different. Chances are youll know this about your friends familial history enough to gauge an appropriate message based on his upbringing. Generally, one can expect to listen to mantras being chanted around the deceaseds body at a house funeral. We cannot give you customized advice on your situation or needs, which would require the service 13. Gifts of food and red flowers are not acceptable; white flowers are considered the appropriate mourning flower. The funeral home will have chairs for the family graveside on the day of the funeral. Those people are greatly missed as they create such a hole for those they leave behind. Your father was a wise man. Grief is Complex, Etiquette Can Help Keep it Simple. It is believed that free expression will keep the body healthy, instead of bound by mourning and unresolved anger. Some friends have the knack for hitting all the right notes and saying all of the right things. It is customary and appropriate to visit the family at home, especially during the days following the funeral. In either case, develop a list of questions that your friend will need to answer.
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