Because it would interrupt their tea time. The pressure originates in yourself; it builds from doubts. I'm known on the tour for having a lengthy club. The true funniest golf quotes of all time are likely never put to paper and aren't spoken by golfers or celebrities. happen again! Golf Quotes (131 quotes) - Goodreads How far do you hit it? said Palmer. You can talk about strategy all you want, but what really matters is resiliency. Hale Irwin, 50. Sometimes a good joke can lighten up the mood. To some golfers, the greatest handicap is the ability to add correctly. Your email address will not be published. It takes a lot of balls to play golf knowing you're a bad golfer. Just tap it in. Choose A Jew, a Catholic and a Mormon are having drinks at the bar after an interfaith convention. What do you do after a round of 18 on a hot sunny day? Jim Murray. I never prayed that I would make a putt. Two, be your own person. 3. Drop some in the comments! Bruce Lansky. A bad hole wont get you a slap across the face when you play golf. Family Game: Do you really know your Family? Try choking donw on the shaft. So what are you waiting for? Competitive golf is played mainly on a five-and-a-half-inch course the space between your ears. Billy Graham, Show me a man who is a good loser and Ill show you a man who is playing golf with his boss. If you like football - I would rather think that you are active, optimistic and strict a bit. "There are two things you can do with your head down, play golf and pray." -Lee Trevino "Golf is my profession. George Deukmejian waxing prophetic. 350 Best Golf Quotes ideas | golf quotes, golf, golf humor - Pinterest ), 30 Best Kelly Kapoor Quotes from The Office, 23+ Funny Business Jokes To Share with Friends (or your boss! Steve Alten, Golf is a game in which you yell fore, shoot six, and write down five. In case he gets a hole in one. Kurt Philip Behm, Golf is an ideal diversion but a ruinous disease. "If you break 100, watch your golf. Dirty Golf Pick Up Lines; Dirty Music Pick Up Lines; Dirty Holiday Pick Up Lines; Photo: Shutterstock. Hey babycan you suck a golf ball through 50 feet of garden hose? I have 17 wives, one more and I will have a golf course!. She makes sure he practices having a stroke first to make sure he's handicapped when he meets a blond working at one. After shooting 30 over par after 18 holes, Jim is on his way home from the 18th having a chat with his Karen. Lansky's quote is funny because, well, as golfers we're all a little bit masochistic. Many of them contain words and phrases that are unable to grace this slideshow. I stepped on a rake. Henny Youngman in a high-pitched voice. Show Business is just to pay the greens fees." O'Grady's comment relates the essence of the experience of a lot of rounds of golf for a lot of golfers. No matter the distance, its through that tall tree over there. Whats a golfers favorite nightlife activity? Top 10+ Funny Dirty Golf Pictures After several minutes of pondering how to hit the shot, the old man says, You know, when I was your age, Id hit the ball right over that tree. With the challenge before him, the young man swings hard, hits the ball, watches it fly into the branches, rattle around, and land with a thud a foot from where it had started. Wodehouse, A great golfers mtier is his or her golfing skill, coupled with the mastery of good sportsmanship, rendering him or her an ambassador for the sport. I promise to lick your balls clean and polish your shaft before and after each use during the upcoming golf season. Is that my golf bag in your pants because I just finished a long drive and I'd like to put my wood in it? Sawdust City LLC. Their fore-fathers! -Lee Trevino But you cant just forget not to think. 56 Golf Pick Up Lines Many golfing terms sound naughty. 2. If you are caught on a golf course during a storm and are afraid of lightning, hold up a 1-iron, not even God can hit a 1-iron. again, Lee Trevino, who would know a thing or two about lightning strikes considering he was stuck by it on the course. "The most important shot in golf is the next one." "If a lot of people gripped a knife and fork the way they do a golf club, they'd starve to death.". Golf is a lot like life. There are three ways to improve your golf game: take lessons, practice constantly or start cheating. The fourth putt! Golf can best be defined as an endless series of tragedies obscured by the occasional miracle. Repeat until the ball is in the hole. "It's good to see there is still some respect in the world." "Well, it's only right," the first golfer replies. Happiness is a long walk with a putter Greg Norman, 38. Which course gives Tiger Woods the most trouble? Obviously I'm a man that loves Gatorade and I'd definitely like to raid your gato. See more ideas about golf humor, golf, humor. How many does he do?, Man: Well, that depends on how hard I kick him in the ass.. "The reason a pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing.". "Golf is the most fun you can have without taking your clothes off.". 23+ Revolutionary Sayings From Corrie Ten Boom | Free Hd Background Pictures Download, 52+ Knowledgeable Sayings On Cosmetologist | Free Hd Background Pictures Download, 43+ Motivating Sayings On Hungry | Free Hd Background Pictures Download, TOP 50 Inspirational Golf Quotes & Sayings | Download Images, 58+ Funny Tennis Quotes | Free Images & Pictures Download, TOP 50 Funny Sports Quotes | HD Images & Pictures Download. Because he thought every day he needed to play around. Keep your sense of humor. "The value of routine; trusting your swing." - Lorii Myers. I love you and I want you to stay with me., Woman: You dont understandIm a hooker., Man: That is no problem, darlin, you probably just have too strong a grip.. "Golf is like a love affair. We collected these beautiful images with quotes about funny golf for you because we understand the value of your thoughts and feeling. From the best players to ever pick up a club to past presidents of the United States, the game of golf is the great equalizer. They call it golf because all the other four letter words were taken. Ray Floyd, 41. Well, I bet that these Knock Knock Golf Jokes can knock you up in the ground laughing! "We learn so many things from golfhow to suffer, for instance.". Comment * document.getElementById("comment").setAttribute( "id", "a468f26f096b5aaed8fdef8efc580f6f" );document.getElementById("h2249d7876").setAttribute( "id", "comment" ); Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. Explore our collection of motivational and famous quotes by authors you know and love. The most important shot in golf is the next one. If you think youre standing too close to the ball, make sure youve actually struck it with your club after swinging. Jennifer Wyatt, Muscular freedom is probably more important in golf than in any other sport, but very few players take the trouble to get loosened up. He said. What is the similarity between four-putting and masturbation? I stepped on a rake. David Brenner, For me, the worst part of playing golf, by far, has always been hitting the ball. 21. The other 20. Golf: A five mile walk punctuated with frequent disappointments. I have always had a drive that pushed me to try for perfection, and golf is a game that perfection stays just out of reach. Betsy Rawls, 12. What did Master Yoda say when Luke sliced the ball onto the next fairway over? The blonde kept looking quizzically at him and his obviously bulging pants. 49 Dirty Quotes and Sayings You Must Pay Attention Lee Trevino. Whether you are watching or playing golf, everyone loves a good golf joke thats why weve rounded up these Funny Golfer Jokes that you and your friends can laugh about! Her husband thought that this was a riot and laughing said, Right train, wrong ticket., The wife failed to see the humor and not cracking a smile replied, No sleeper cars on that train either, Best Dad Jokes - the Good, the Bad, the Terrible, Fun Game: Jokes and Riddles Conversation Starters. Pretty is as pretty does. Harvey Penick, 61. 3 of 10. Features: Size: 3.5x10 inches Made from solid knotty pine Flat edges for shelf-sitting Full Text: And yet another day has passed and I did not use algebra once. His comment gets at a few things: the wondrous and fascinating aspects of the game and its tendency to make bold-faced liars of its participants. All the fans are gone! To find a mans true character, play golf with him. P.G. -Bob Hope How does a brunette keep her husband from a blond working at a golf course? 2. Dirty Golf Pick Up Lines. If we . 4. 19. All of them. 65 Best Golf Quotes for Inspiration and Motivation Intercourse! Wodehouse From the moment I saw you, I've had a vertical shaft angle. Andy who? A great shot is when you pull it off. Because subtraction speaks louder than words. Im going to wash my balls, you want yours washed, too?, My arms are tired, I had so many strokes.. What does masturbation and 4 putting have in common? Or under. Bobby Darnel, If you want to hook a ball turn both hands toward the right side on the grip or shaft. Mulligans are the reason golf balls come three to a sleeve. Get a Free Golf Handicap in the 18Birdies App. Would you mind being treated like a green that I'm 140 yards away from, holding my pitching wedge with very little wind in any direction? Are you sure you aren't all four majors because you would be a grandslam? PG Wodehouse. Jack Benny. "If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.". The blonde kept looking quizzically at him and his obviously bulging pants. Because all the other four letter words were taken. Keep smiling and join us on Social, we'd love to have you over. Nay! Theres no sense in going to a tournament if you dont believe that you can win it. Tiger Woods, 20. Figure out your weakness and dont make it your weakness anymore. Stacy Lewis, 60. Golf is a game invented by God to punish people who retire early. "There are two things you can do with your head down, play golf and pray." Find the ball. I have 10 sons, one more and I will have my own football team., To which the Mormon replies, You fellas aint got a clue. 3. So, I tell them I'm a pro jock, and who do you think they give me? See more ideas about golf quotes, golf, golf humor. The next minute youre hemorrhaging. Noah who? With trust, it feels like you and your golf club are partners dancing as one. To find a man's true character, play golf with him. The 18 Best Golf Movies You Need To Watch In 2023, Top 14 Golf Podcasts You Should Listen To (Updated 2023), 7 Left Handed Golf Tips To Crush The Competition, 50 Side-Splitting Golf Puns & Jokes For Any Situation, Practicing Golf At Home: 10 Tricks To Improve Your Game. However, every person playing the game has the basis of good mental skills for golf. 53+ Funny Quotes by Famous People 2023 (laugh-out-loud! You need to adjust your grip. So I got that goin' for me, which is nice. And it's damn funny. Golf is very much like a love affair. How many strokes was that? Because I'm going to come after you aggressively and probably leave a ball mark. Golfs a game where you shout, FOUR! and score a seven, while writing down a five. Ben Hogan. Ive got some real trouble down here., Don comes running over to the edge of the ravine and calls out: Whats the matter, John? After a particularly poor round, a golfer spotted a lake as he walked despondently up the 18th. They say golf is like life, but dont believe them. Hold your 2-iron in the air, because not even God can hit a 2-iron. So I jump ship in Hong Kong and make my way over to Tibet, and I get on as a looper at a course over in the Himalayas. The reason most politicians are golfers is that they lie better with more practice & experience. The 19th hole. The Jew, bragging about his virility said, I have four sons, one more and I will have a basketball team!, The Catholic pooh-poohs that accomplishment, stating, That is nothing actually. Go back in time and start playing at a younger age. Whats the easiest shot to make in golf? P.G. Why did Arnold Palmer get beat up? A good golfer has the determination to win and the patience to wait for the breaks. Gary Player, 53. Always make a total effort, even when the odds are against you. Arnold Palmer, 65. GOLF DIGEST MAY EARN A PORTION OF SALES FROM PRODUCTS THAT ARE PURCHASED THROUGH OUR SITE AS PART OF OUR AFFILIATE PARTNERSHIPS WITH RETAILERS. I am Jimmy, clown at heart. but I can show you what is! Why didnt the golfer get his homework done? 8. Bring some friends, and we can play a foursome. . The actor's quote relays an essential truth: Even the most mild-mannered golfer tends to lose his head when he sees or suspects someone else has hit or picked up his golf ball. Does a bear crap in the woods? I stepped on a rake.". A smart shot is when you dont have the guts to try it. Phil Mickelson, 4. Oh my God, what have I just said?". Were done with golf puns and jokes, but well leave you with a bonus the top 10 not actually dirty golf innuendos: What are some of your favorite golf puns? Id cry too if I played golf like you. Mini Golf Captions. 700 Golf Humor | Cartoons ideas | golf humor, golf, humor - Pinterest Short Golf Jokes & Puns 1. Rory McIlroy has a GOOD driver! Playing golf is fun and exciting, but these Short Golf Jokes will make your game enjoyable. Golf is the easiest game in the world. Eight. It will test your patience. Mar 14, 2021 - Find the best golf humor and cartoons on this board by www.GolfBallsUnlimited.com. When your golf cart capsizes. - Bobby Jones 3. One minute youre bleeding. As he approached the threesome, he said Hey guys, do you mind if I play through. Leslie Nielsen, Mini-golf is a lot like life. 86+ Funny Golf Quotes | Free HD Images & Pictures Download USE OF AND/OR REGISTRATION ON ANY PORTION OF THIS SITE CONSTITUTES ACCEPTANCE OF OURVISITOR AGREEMENT(UPDATED 1/6/23),PRIVACY AND COOKIES NOTICE(UPDATED 1/4/23) ANDCALIFORNIA PRIVACY NOTICE. I love the contrast between the agony of a golfer bleeding out and the ecstasy of a moment of creative genius. Many golfing terms sound naughty. - Mickey Mantle. Full Text: Thank you for still being my friend even though I only talk about my horse and I smell like a barn. Golf is the closest game to the game we call life. putt." Because he walked into the wrong club! Do you share these funny golf jokes? P-U-T-T means merely a futile attempt to do the same thing.. They have a hard drive. There are three ways to improve your golf game: take lessons, practice constantly or start cheating. Gerald Ford, If there is any larceny in a man, golf will bring it out. 1. Not just in the game, but that can be applied to life, relationships and ones mindset. 20 Of The Best Golf Quotes Ever - Golf Monthly Magazine Full Text: The Most Important Things In Life Aren't Things Features: Size: 7x36 inches Made from solid knotty pine Beveled edges Routed slot in back for hanging. The formula for success is simple: practice and concentration, then more practice and more concentration. Babe Didrikson Zaharias, 19. If you worry about the ones you missed, you are going to keep missing them. Walter Hagen, 47. Harry Vardon, There is no movement in golf that cannot be made more difficult through diligent study and practice. 150 Puns From All Walks of Life. Days when you just dont have it, you dont pack it in, you give it everything youve got. Guys will spend at least 5 minutes looking for a golf ball. 3. Two rounds a day are plenty. Funny and dirty medical pick-up lines and doctor hook-up lines. "While playing golf today I hit two good balls. If you break 80, watch your business. Is the word spelled P-U-T or P-U-T-T? She asked her instructor. Dave Hill, My swing is then adjusted / as words take off and fly / And landing safe beyond the trap / to make the devil cry. The 32 Dirty Quotes of all Time - quotesforbros.com So, what are your thoughts? Please accept the terms of our newsletter. What do golf and sex share in common? Don Carter Golf is a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into an even smaller hole, with weapons singularly ill-designed for the purpose. Their expectation, however, is very different. Jack Lemmon, There are many things you can successfully fake in businessbut a good golf swing isnt one of them. Golf is an awkward set of bodily contortions designed to produce a graceful result. Tommy Armour, 40. The three tried & true methods of improving your game are: practice, study the pros, and cheat your ass off. What's the difference between a golfball and a Nissan? George B. Kirsch, Nothing dissects a man in public quite like golf. now = new Date(); year = now.getYear(); Why didnt the golfer finish his homework? Never try to keep more than 300 separate thoughts in your mind during your swing. Quotes tagged as "golf" Showing 1-30 of 130. No matter how badly you play, always remember its possible to play even worse. Another Ball in the Trees. 1. ", Andrew Barton Paterson, A boss once told me, Colleen, its not about the meeting, its about the scotch after the meeting. See photos about 15 very funny (and occasionally inappropriate) golf memes from Golf Digest I'm gonna pound you like I do these range balls. Why dont grasshoppers play golf? Whos there? I know I am getting better at golf because I am hitting fewer spectators. Gerald R. Ford, the 38th President of the United States and the first to admit a lack of talent on the links. A two-foot putt on the practice green doesnt spark many doubts. How we get there is as important as where we go. Old Tim Morris, 6. Bob Bruce One of the advantages bowling has over golf is that you seldom lose a bowling ball. Many a golfer prefers a golf cart to a caddy because it cannot count, criticize, or laugh. Not consenting or withdrawing consent, may adversely affect certain features and functions. Talking to a golf ball won't do you any good, unless you do it while your opponent is teeing off. Laugh more: Amusing Jokes To Tell Your Friends, What do you call a lion playing golf? You dont know what pressure is until you play for five bucks with only two bucks in your pocket. Lee Trevino at his best. Are you looking for some funny jokes? Apparently, you cant get out of here with a seven. In a way, this quote is a stand-in for the entire volume of comedic wit and great golf quotes in Caddyshack. It's not the size of your putter that counts, its how many strokes you take. Because you got me soaking wet. Originally posted by raffa nunyez. Hey would you like what you're hiding in your tight jeans to be the 34th ranked golfer in the world because I can make that V-jay sing? Paul Harvey, While playing golf today I hit two good balls. Whats one tip all golfers should follow to improve their game? In case he got a hole in one! And only one secret has emerged, one swing of thought that always works. I once played a course that was so tough, I lost two balls in the ball washer! You grind it out. Tiger Woods, 54. 2. I'm Tiger Woods. Siegfried Sassoon, Golf is the infallible test. fodrizzle. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. Wodehouse, 31. Please sign up with your best email address. Golf Quotes About Life 22. How can you tell which golfer is a womanizer? He was puttering around. the flag cant jump. Ellis Parker Butler, When we watch pro golfers, we expect them to play well, to make the shots we know we cant, and to be entertaining. Hank Aaron, Golf, golf, golf is all the story! Lorii Myers, Perhaps more than any other sport, golf focuses pressure on the player. 3 / 10. You can enjoy both of them even if youre terrible at it! Which is the easiest golf stroke? But there is a difference between playing well and hitting the ball well. Golfing? As he gets closer, he realizes that the shiny object is in fact a 7-iron in the hands of a skeleton lying near an old golf ball. Trust is one of the most important qualities in the game of golf. Nothing it should have ducked. Dean Martin, He loved the game. You either need to learn to drink or take up golf. Turns out Im not a good scotch drinker. It's included here because of the hilarious mental image it evokes. I told my coach I got a new set of clubs for my wife. Golf?! The threesome were curious what was going on. Tahiti. You want some dirty golfing jokes, we got them for you. nay I my child, and eke, oh! You may have heard these renowned quotes about funny golf before. After his practice round he noticed a beautiful young woman by the clubhouse. My three keys to success: One, work hard. "I'm in my bed you're in your bed ". "The most important shot in golf is the next one." - Ben Hogan "I know I am getting better at golf because I am hitting fewer spectators." - Gerald R. Ford "The only sure rule in golf is he who has the fastest cart never has to play the bad lie." - Mickey Mantle "To find a man's true character, play golf with him." - P.G. I had a terrible round today, I only hit two good balls, and that was when I stepped on a rake. A large pine tree sits in front of his ball, directly between it and the green. Boo. If I learn that you are a fan of diving - I would suppose that your psychological portrait includes such features as curiosity, patience, and insistence. Dave Barry, Golf is the only game I know where you call a foul on yourself. Furthermore, the old man moves along without wasting any time. Why don't golfers in England work in the afternoon? The technical storage or access is necessary for the legitimate purpose of storing preferences that are not requested by the subscriber or user. Features: Size: 3.5x10 inches Made from solid knotty pine Routed slot in back for hanging plus flat edges for optional shelf-sitting. Theres enough stress in the rest of your life not to let bad shots ruin a game youre supposed to enjoy. Amy Alcott, 15. You'll get wet outside and inside with these sexy quotes. See you in the Email! Dirty jokes tend to be of sexual nature, make use of coarse language and can be offensive. These words carry the feeling for those you care about and those who care about you. Paul Gallico, I regard golf as an expensive way of playing marbles. He grabs his 7-iron and proceeds down the embankment into the ravine in search of his ball. You're more beautiful than a hundred pink flamingos on a golf course. Use these pick up lines to your advantage in starting a chat with your guy or girl.